The following stories may well be triggering for you, they are real words from real people, take care before reading further.
Please note that the copyright of these true stories belongs to the writers, and no permission is given to reproduce these words or quote them in anything, anywhere.

Tracy writes:

"I live in 24hr residential care i've been here since leaving hospital 3 years ago. I started self harming just over a yr ago and it is only superfical. It took me awhile before i opened up to my carers as i felt i slipped back by starting to self harm. I have not yet told any family as i do feel they would not understand, im not even sure i do. Everyone has been good although ive never really been asked why."

Rayvn writes:

“I had to go into school, and I didn’t pay any attention to what I was doing, so when I got to school and went to meet my friends in the usual place, and I sat down and took my coat off, with a strappy top underneath, I got a very mixed response.

It was fairly obvious I had done it myself. To start with I got a huge hug off of one of my friends, she was so helpful and lovely to me through the whole experience and the year ahead. Then one of my friends took me to the side, she looked so upset, she told me that I shouldn’t do it and I should stop. But the person who was supposed to be my "best friend" did something I still don't understand...

About a week later my sister came home and told me that some people had been saying things about me that weren’t very nice. After that it got all around school and people walked past me in the corridors mimicking slicing up their arms. They looked at me as if I was something nasty on the bottom of their shoe. My family were very upset, as you can probably imagine, but they were all extremely supportive.

When i tell people now I tend to get kinder reactions, maybe because its more understood now. Who knows.”

Lou writes:

“Well I wrote a letter to a teacher who I trusted and told them literally how I felt and everything that was on my mind, which maybe wasn't the greatest way to do it because it kinda spiralled out of my control then. Before I knew it my parents knew, all my other teachers knew and I was being put into counselling. I'm glad I did it kinda, but really it just made me feel worse at the start but now it's been around 4/5 months and it's definitely helping, apart from when I slip up, but nothing comes that quickly.
Now my parents know to watch out for warning signs and i spend mondays and tuesday on a ward and don't really think about it that much.”

Jnr writes:

“My parents found out when they found a letter i was sent but they just thought i was suffering from depression they didn’t realise that i selfharm.They still don’t know now, i don’t want to tell them. I don’t know how they would react and i dont want to upset them.

I told a good friend of mine which [is] now my boyfriend. He took it bad, he gets upset about it and sometimes he even says if u do it again then i don’t know what I’m going to do, meaning he may leave me. He’s been there for me through so much and if he leaves me now i don’t know who i can turn to. He tries to understand but he can’t, i just hope i don’t lose him.

I hope i get over this, i don’t want to do it for the rest of my life.”

Will writes:

"I have just finished my first year of university, studying medicine. I love uni, don't get me wrong about that, but being their freed me up, and let me experience the less nice side of my personality. I started cutting myself. A couple of friends at university know, but only a couple.

One girl, my best friend, she knows it all. I can't remember how exactly I told her, but she already knew I was on meds for an eating disorder. She was wonderful and very very supportive. I wish all people would respond like that.

The other person who knows is my eldest sister. After a suicide attempt in March, eveyone kept telling me to tell someone in my family, so as the could 'keep an eye on me' during the holidays. Telling her that was the hardest thing, she reacted badly, and now admits that. She just didn't understand how I could be doing these things to my self, how I could cut, or purge, or take pills. I wished so badly that she would just be my big sister, hug me and tell me it was ok. But it wasn't. It was like she was a stranger. I could see how badly I had hurt her, but she couldn't see I was crumbling and hurting so badly. It was at that moment I made the decision that I could not, no way, tell my parents.

To my parents, I am still the sweet and inocent little child they want me to be. I am the youngest of 3 girls, the baby of the family. I'm the brightest, studying medicine. I am the one the think of as such a good little girl. They have no idea what actually goes through my head. I guess I hide it, but I guess they also don't want to see it. I can't tell them, because I can't destroy their veiw of me as inocent."

Anonymous Writes:

"I've only "come out" to two people, the first being one of my friends, and it was kind of an accident. We'd been out for the night and gone back to my house to share a pizza. We were sat on the kitchen floor, and I decided to take my boots off. They were knee high boots so I had to roll up my jeans to unzip them, forgeting that I didn't have any socks on, so he saw all the cuts and scars on my ankle. At first he couldn't work out what they were, and when I told him he looked pretty shocked, even though he already knew about the depression etc. He gave me a big hug and told me to promise him I wouldn't do it again.

For the first couple of months he was really unhelpful, saying things like "If you do it again I won't be your friend anymore, so if I mean anything to you you will stop", and he couldn't understand why I still did it.

But over time I have been able to make him see that what I need is someone who will support and accept me no matter what I do. Now I know if I'm feeling low, or have the urge to cut, I can call him and he'll try to cheer me up, or just give me a big hug and let me cry on his shoulder. I still don't think he understands why I do it, but I'm glad he knows and that I have someone I can turn to."

Anon writes:

For me coming out about my self harm wasn't a choice and although at the time it seemed like the end of the world I soon got used to the idea and actually has made me see that I am not alone in the world, and that what I had done for years was normal and I didnt need to hide from everyone, just those that wouldn't understand.

The day that my self injury was discovered and out in the open was a day I remember very clearly, It was Friday and I was at school. I got called up to the head teachers office as I had refused to take my cardigan off in cookery earlier that day. I was so nervous and had a good idea what it was about.. As I got closer I felt worse and I got to the door and chapped it, my heart was pounding and I was sweating.

The teacher came to the door quickly and she new my name and was expecting me, she invited me in and asked me to take a seat, there was another women in the office to someone I had never met before, she sat there and there was a seat beside her she told me don't look so worried your not in trouble, I sat down and she explained that she was the educational pyschologist, she explained about what he job was and it was then I was thinking why does she want to see me.

My head teacher then explained that teachers had expressed there concern to her about my mood swings, and lack of interest in my friends and work. How my work standard had slipped and that I had been withdrawn completly from my friends and how they were worried as someone had noticed some serious marks on my body during gym class and also asked why I wouldnt take off my cardigan for cookery. I was so shocked and lost for words, I sat there and went very red and looked down.

I am finally getting there, I am still self harming and still seeing a counsellor, pyschiatrist and attending a day centre which I am leaving in couple of weeks to return to school after a year off being off and I'm looking forward to getting back to normal, although its been hard, I think it would have gotten worse and worse if I didnt get found out. I know its not as easy for others when they come out though and thats why im looking forward to next months newsletter to hear other peoples stories."

Boreal writes:

"the first person i ever came out to was a good friend of mine, and who was a "bulemic not in recovery" with me at that time. i think all of that gave us a strong sense of intimacy. we both also play pierced (for release and the experience, in the same kind of sense as cutting, not as a fetish) and somehow that made it seem like SI wouldn't freak her out.

i basically told her on a impulse. i asked "have u ever known anybody who cut themselves?"
her, hesitantly, "a few...." and i confessed. and she told me that she had done the same thing a few times but that she thought i might need to get help. she tried to be supportive but i think we both felt awkward.. soon after she left town and... i wondered why i had told her.

my boyfriend guessed and didn't accept my bullshit excuses- he must have noticed the scars the first time we had sex, he used to trace my scars with his fingers and kiss them- sometimes he would ask me what happened and i would tell him it was a long story, or one of my tales of car accidents and whatnot. and he always just nodded or said "you'll tell me when your ready" but sometimes he would comment that scars looked like they came from a knife or something. finally one day he asked me if i used to cut myself and i just looked away- and he just said "its okay" and put his hand on my leg.

i'm glad hes accepting of it, not freaking out, but i also, to some degree, feel like hes not taking seriously this thing that i consider a farily big deal. on the other hand- i cover up recent cuts quite well and make sure he thinks its just something i "used to do"

i can't say right now if i'm glad people know. i'm glad my bf knows i used to cut, but i'm also glad he dosen't know i still do it. R~~~ may have helped me, but at the same time, it changed the balance of power in our relationship. i had been more severely anorexic than her, i was the one giving her sex and relationship advice, i was the one who had come to terms with my sexual identity while she was just beginning to question hers etc- and then this took some of the power and control from me (is that a really defective way to think of a relationship?? *shrug*)

the people i have told i have told impuslively, when i'm in a self-destructive mood. It was effectively just an aspect of that harmful mentality, like walking through dark allies late at night. it was setting myself up to get hurt, so that i can hurt myself without so much shame."

We hope these stories have shown the wealth of circumstances that people live with, we hope that you can see that you are not alone

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